Special Forces: Mercenaries Part I

Special Forces: Mercenaries Part I - Vashtan, Marquesate They were inextricably intertwined, how could they ever have believed they could be parted. Even death was not enough. Sometimes you read a book and it blows your mind, takes you as a reader to places you might never go and pushes your boundaries... this all happened to me while reading Special Forces: Mercenaries Part I . This is my journey...Not very often does it take me a month to read a book. I normally devour my books in a few days but for some reason I had to take a few breaks while reading this heart ripping gem. I also want to make it clear that my breaks had nothing to do with the writing and more with the subject matter. “I don’t believe there’s anything like a soul. But I believe that most people are asleep. They aren’t even aware what they are, or that they are alive. And we are all scared to die, so when it happens we scream for our mothers and clutch our guts because we’re scared. I’m not. I’m not afraid of death. The only thing I’m afraid of is losing Dan.”Blew my mind...Fist off, i'm assuming you've read Special Forces and are already aquatinted with Vadim and Dan's rocky (putting it mildly) start and that some time has passed, well 11 years and we find Vadim, So watch out for Spoilers!a prisoner in his own country on trial for war crimes. Thus beings the systematic breaking of my ever lovin' heart. I could stop there and let you wonder what happened but basically we spend the first half of this book in hell. Yeah, I put myself here but this was pure torture. I mean, Vadim and Dan make so much progress in Special Forces and it all seems to unravel. Don't fret friends things improve, greatly improve and we're lead to a relationship that is filled with love and trust. That's where Dan shines for me. He's completely honest with Vadim about what he holds in his beautiful Scottish heart and does not hold back. For me he's a character that has progressed so much in the last 11 years. He's changed and became a man who stands by his life choices and isn't afraid to tell everyone and anyone that he's gay. He's proud of himself and he should be, he knows what kind of man he is and doesn't hide it. It's really a beautiful transformation. Amazing to read and he truly changes some of the soldiers minds around him.Now Vadim, oh man, he also broke my heart. What the body and mind can endure for love. He's a work in progress and we get to see the aftermath of isolation and how a soldier makes a new life. While reading, I don't emotionally connect with Vadim as I do Dan, not sure why. I love them both and cannot imagine the books without him, but I just connect with Dan. Vadim is harsh, damages, he needs punishment but also needs tender moments. Dan is really the only one who understands exactly what Vadim needs, even before he does.Took me placed i've never been...Men. War. Brutality. I have never witnessed the brutality that comes with war, nor have I been inside a shower filled with men and smelt the testosterone seeping through their pores. This where the authors take us, they plant the reader in a situation that we've never been (more than likely :) and make the world come alive, with smells, feelings and simple descriptions. Mercenaries Part I took me to war, transported me back in time to a part of the world I may never see, but more importantly implanted me in a relationship I may never first hand see. Those behind the door scenes that are so intimate. Tender moments between Dan and Vadim that speak volumes. “Some men want to win a gold medal, some want a family, some want to be rich, some want to be free, some want to kill other men, and some men want to do the right thing. Me, I only want you.” Pushed my boundaries...Yeah, my boundaries were stretched with how Dan and Vadim's relationship developed over time. I find myself drawn to monogamy and reading how open Vadim and Dan were to having others in their relationship or having a relationship with someone outside on their own was hard for me to grasp. I do feel that the authors lead us to this conclusion in a slow manner and I truly could see this was coming for the way Dan behaved. I just wanted it to be just them... The beautiful thing was how at times it was just them, the whole world seemed to melt away when Dan had his lips on Vadim's. It jumped right off the page, I literally had tears in my eyes reading how tender and loving they had become. Conclusion... If you're on the fence about continuing this series, I would encourage you to jump on this roller coaster. Dan and Vadim's story is not finished, there is so much to come and I truly cannot wait for my heart to be ripped out yet again then place so gently back in my chest.I found myself saying a little prayer for those who struggle with being gay, who haven't came out or are hiding because of how cruel people can be. Many times I invision my brother, smart, successful, gay, happy and in a loving relationship. My hope and dream is that he can walk hand in hand with his love just as I can do with mine. “Only some of the time. I want to live like a human. That’s what I want. I want to be respected. I want to find some way to live with myself. But most of all, I want you.” “So do I.” Dan’s quiet voice hardly cut through the sound of the surf, despite the stillness of the night. “But I’m frightened as all fuck.”